“Very often a change of self is needed more than a change of scene.”
– A. C. Benson
I hated my life and my surroundings so much I wanted to change this un-ideal world. There seemed to be no perfect conditions I wanted to be living in. But as time went by, I realized that my thought was so dumb and silly in a destructive way. The worst thing was that I started to succumb to my own desperation. I felt like what I was doing was in vain, affected nothing and no one in earth. There was no huge difference whether I lived and did something extraordinary or just lived like what others do. Time will consume it all. My works and I will vanish anyway sooner or later.
I got tired and sucked by my own foolishness. Wary of the external cosmos, I began trying to get to know myself. It is surely a long winding bumpy road to travel on. I am to be honest still struggling with it. And yes, it is so true. Changing my point of view towards the world is really hard. A daunting mission to accomplish, I should say.
If I really have to change myself, my views, my perspectives, mindsets, etc, I am still clueless whether I am still the same person or I will evolve to be the new me or neither. Maybe that is why exploring myself is equally frightening compared to diving into the deepest seabed where no sunlight can reach or floating all alone in absolute vacuum between heavenly bodies.
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