Struggling against Selfishness

“Be unselfish. That is the first and final commandment for those who would be useful and happy in their usefulness. If you think of yourself only, you cannot develop because you are choking the source of development, which is spiritual expansion through thought for others.” – Charles William Eliot As a child, maybe I was less generous than others. I don’ t wan to blame anyone here (a not-so-evil smirk at my parents) but the truth as I experienced was I was put in such a condition where I had no other choices. I had a new born little sister 6 days prior to my first birthday. While my mother was breastfeeding her, I too had to compete with her to win the chance of sucking those nipples. This was not by plan. An undeliberate rivalry I can tell that was. Despite this, I love my whole family of course. But the cost for me seemed to much. I had to compromise from a very young age and that was not something I can enjoy very much. My ego was offended and that was like embedded in my very mind. I craved for monopoly ever since. I wanted exclusivity. If I cannot get something, the breast milk for example, I tend to let go of it and shun away from everyone. I learned that relying upon others, even my parents, is in utter vain. I from that moment on came to a decision, in a subconscious way, that no one is as reliable as myself… plus God. Hence the introverted personality. With such a personality, comes as well the innate selfishness. I gradually got accustomed to thinking that my parents took care of my sister so I didnt really have to do the same as an older brother. Wicked? Unthoughtful? Whatever. As I grew older, I clenched this notion even at school, on campus, at work. Reluctance arises almost always when it is my turn to share things, whether that be personal information or money or fruits that my coworkers were implicitly requesting this very morning. Ah, am I that selfish, stingy, super thrifty???

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