If there is someone who is really bad at dealing with fear, that must be me. I hate challenging with fear and I literally have no guts to do that, other than being in a position where I have no other possible options but just jump with eyes completely closed. I just do it and I don’t think further because the more I think, the more I cringe.
People always know that I have lofty dreams like going abroad, seeing different cultures, foreign peoples and writing books or at the very least write my own short stories but until now I have not tried once. I keep postponing. Why? Maybe it is because I think I am not ready for the rejections. They are as painful as being slapped and dragged with no attire on in public. I hate being rejected as I feel like I am a real pariah, who needs to be exiled and unwanted by all means.
So is it why I should wait till the last minute? So I run out of choices and time so I can allow myself to be pushed by everyone around me to take a single baby step towards my own dreams.