Teaching yoga is pretty much something I never imagined before. That too explained why I am taking a teacher training this year. But at first, I would do it for myself rather than for bucks, financial stability or fame . Well, maybe I will think of that too later on but for now I need to learn for myself. So I came to a decision I will never teach anyone until I feel I am fully ready. It is a daunting mental task, I must admit. There are too many things to memorize, understand, comprehend, digest and finally apply to my daily life (if it fits my existing life philosophy). And what struck me most is that I am a commitment hater, as I always think commitment leads to dependence and dependence is related to comfort zone. I found that being fully committed to an establishment is way too much. I get sick of unconditional commitment, which to me is utter craziness. I have my own system and freedom so I will never dedicate myself entirely to one certain system throughout the rest of my life. Foolishness!
Back to the mat. I just cannot believe myself when I had the courage to simply tell my coworkers I was available for a yoga class. And this time I would not follow instructions. I would be there to teach. Yes, TEACH!
I thought I was going to kill myself after saying such a bold statement. I felt like a fraud, trying not to get caught in the act of deceiving. It is going to be literally humiliating if I fail teaching as I promised them.
And the Friday afternoon was drawing nearer and nearer. No one was aware of my being intimidated throughout the working days.
The class turned out ok. I didn’t choke up and everything was running as planned. Except one.
I overestimated my participants, as far as I can see. They were only doing some stretches, and a single set of sun salutation or surya namaskara. Having bathed in sweat or panting, my participants waved the white flag. Their faces said,” Let’s save the next sequence and asanas for the subsequent week.”
What can I do then? Even before I greeted them Namaste as farewell to close my first somewhat chaotic class, the class ended already.
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