From Namaste Festival 2013

Lately, it has been tough weeks for me. This extremely volatile, turbulent weather (plus stress) of November almost leaves me nuts, cranky, fragile and sick(ened). My body has been acting out quite many times. After 3 years of relatively disciplined healthy life style (which rules and regulations I don’t blindly follow, actually), I fell sick. Badly enough. And a little bit too long to recover, which also again put me in such a distress. Being sick in Jakarta is terribly costly, to say the least.
I got even crankier when I did have to turn down someone’s offer to blog for this annual well-being themed festival. The more I tell people about how disappointed I became, the more I need to distract myself from the whole yogic stuff going on there.
So somehow, I got this God-sent friend who is kind enough to let me use her entrance pass. That meant I could be attending some classes with brand-new teachers to offer new experience. Call me a frugal yogi, and I don’t mind at all.
The two classes I happened to attend today were related to one particular type of movements in yoga: inversion. Tiffany Cruikshank’s started at 8 am and Briohny Smyth and Dice Ihda Klein’s at 10.30 am. The fact that all these three gurus are young (at least that’s how they look to me), fabulous, super fit, and inspiring in some way in their class is just too obvious. They’re simply hotties, but they also do yoga. Great combo. We yogis and yoginis are at times superficial, too. So we let ourselves drool over their hard-rock abs, solid shoulders, slender figure, and the entire showcase of physical agility and prowess.
After not plunging myself intensely in inversion or backbending world, today I was abruptly made to do that. To put it bluntly, I felt reluctant. I felt too lazy for even showing off that I too can be and can do awesome challenging poses like what Tiffany, Dice and Briohny do. But this time, either I think I just need to recover from sickness perfectly first or pure reluctance which comes out of nowhere, I have truly lost that degree of candor I used to have when I practice challenging poses. I tend to feel the control over my ego and begin looking inside. I don’t say I am completely free of the urge to show off, to flaunt my talent, but I can say I am less impulsive when experimenting with this body. It was a toy, but is now slightly turning to a shrine.
I do what I can do rather than what I think I must do because I can do. People overestimate me when it comes to yoga (thanks to my reckless and agressive uploading of tons of pictures on the web). They always think I can do all, so there’s no reason for me to say no, or not to try. But there’re times when I have no options but listening to my own voice.
I must admit, I am no huge fan of yoga anymore. I am now less enthusiastic when I attend yoga classes or workshops. All is because… I need to love yoga in a more balanced way. I don’t want to love it too much, so much that I can turn to hate it and never come back to it for the rest of my life. I love yoga just naturally. There’s no expectation (including expectation of becoming a guru). There’s no target (target to achieve certain results, build some strength, flexibility or money). That how nature works. It doesn’t haste, yet everything is accomplished, says Lao Tze.

Leave a comment

Filed under writing

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s