I think if I had been living near a dance company, I would have become a dancer.

You might be laughing at this. But well, it might be.

Dancing is unique and exhausting as f*ck. That is my first, hands-on experience of being involved in a campus performance. An acquaintance at Institut Kesenian Jakarta had requested my involvement in her dance performance for the academic assessment as a student in the final year. And this was no joke.

I was assigned the duty of yoga pose. But the coreography is not like yoga sequence. I had to add some dance touch to my moves. I couldn’t be too yogic on stage.

My friend as a director told me to just do my yoga moves and did any planned coreography she wanted me to do.

It was a hellish process throughout.

We were rehearsing many nights even that was Fasting Month in which everyone usually slows down with their physical activities and gets spiritual instead.

We fixed this act and that part. We repeated movements, perfecting until we got fatigued.

I wanted to go home but couldn’t and sometimes got so irked in the process. I still have things to do the next day, I told my friend.

Things got tense. Everyone involved became tired, physically, mentally.

But hey, isn’t this normal thing for dancers to experience throughout the preparation of a performance?

Upon seeing Dominic North (the enchanting Sigfried Prince in Matthew Bourne’s “Swan Lake”), I knew I was never fated to be a dancer throughout my life, especially a professional dancer.

I suck at this memorizing department. I always find it hard to memorize steps, gestures, movements and facial expressions. And though my body frame is just as compact as a dancer, I can move, I’m light and pliable and don’t mind moving a lot and rapidly, I still doubt myself.

This being a dancer with outstanding performance anxiety and all the search of perfection is out of my reach. And I can never fathom I can get to that level of dedication.

Hats off to all those dedicated dancers! (*/)

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Writer & yogi

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